8 tips for crafting e-mail subject lines that guarantee a one-way trip to the trash can

More than the number of spam e-mails I receive every day, I’m amazed at the number of badly worded subject lines in those e-mails.

I’m not talking personal e-mail here. We have all received several of these spam promising to help you achieve intimate performances that only adult film actors dream of. Surprisingly, these e-mails and their subject lines are quite good. Self-explanatory, eye-catching, clearly highlighted benefits. Unfortunately that’s not the case of what I call “professional spam”, the kind of spam that arrives in your professional e-mail inbox and that is borderline between could-be-useful and not relevant.

Funnily enough, for the past 5 minutes I’ve been writing this note, 2 of those have arrived. The first one says: “WCY - Executive Opinion Survey 2010 for Canada”. First of all, I have no idea what WCY is, second I don’t care about opinion survey, third, I’m not even in the “Executive” category (from a professional standpoint). The second one is “New educational webcast: Moments of Truth”. Seriously ? Does anyone still think that making big stylish effect like “Moment of truth” is going to incite me to read the entire mail ? I have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about here, and I can’t see a reason why I would be interested.

So if you’re interested in the art of botching e-mail subjects, here are 8 quick advice for you:

1. Write long subject lines: outlook e-mail subject line real-estate is getting smaller with every version. If you have the preview pane and the to-do bar enabled, chances are you can’t see more than 50 characters or so of the subject line. If you get your e-mails on a smartphone such as a BlackBerry or an iPhone, you might see even less depending on your settings. So if you want to make sure your e-mail go right into the trash, write long subject lines.
2. Put your yet-unknown brand prominently in the subject line: let’s face it, most companies send e-mails to communicate about their services and products and try to sell them to new customers. Which means that these customers probably don’t know much about them, or at least not enough. Which means that if you put your brand (product or company) in the subject, there’s a good chance the reader has no idea what your product/service is about. Which means that unless you’re an established brand or you have a highly descriptive product name, putting some obscure seemingly cool brand name in your e-mail will only guarantee the reader will think: “I don’t know them, they’re not important”. You can always use the Sender Name if you want to showcase your brand but again, be careful with the potential backlash
3. Use big stylistic effects: Come on ! How many e-mails have subject lines which are completely gratuitous, self-centred, narcissistic, boastful and egotistic? The “Moment of truth” one that I just received falls exactly in that category. No substance whatsoever. Why should I, the reader, bother with something that looks like an over-bloated ramble on some “moment of truth”?
4. Cultivate confusion: after all, it is so much more exciting to have the reader wonder what you want from him then explain it. Why give a straightforward, easy to understand statement, when you can sound mysterious and cryptic and force people to puzzle their way around your message by reading the entire e-mail.
5. Never state any benefit: this one’s big. If you want to guarantee your e-mail won’t be read never state any benefit in the subject line. Craft your lines in such a way that if the reader ever wonder “what’s in it for me” he will never find the answer. If the content of your mail is valuable, do not state the value in the subject line. If you have an incentive for the reader to do something, don’t mention it. In short, do everything you can to make this as unappealing as possible. Trust me, it works.
6. Don’t personalize: there’s nothing attractive about receiving a message with a subject line that seems to be unique and to have been written just for the reader. It’s a known fact. People like to be undistinguishable from the others. They hate uniqueness. So do us all a favour and don’t use anything like text replacers to insert your contact name or his company name in your subject line. Besides, it’s risky if your database has holes in it.
7. Spread some negativity: people are too happy these days. Nothing better than a subject line with some negative connotation. Better yet, use the subject line to spread FUD and get your reader scared. That should get him interested in what you had to say. After all, why expose the solution right away when you can scare him to death with problems that everyone else is talking about. Good way to ensure he understands you know all about those problems.
8. Don’t test: if you’re an e-mail marketer you’ve probably heard about this little thing called testing. Waste of time, especially with subject lines. Why should you waste some precious minutes (not kidding, it can take minutes !) to try out 3 or 4 variations of your subject line on a sample of your target. You know what’s good for them, go for it.

And you, what would you do to create the least effective e-mail subject line ever?